NEVER DO THIS DURING YOUR LIFETIME

Posted: June 3, 2011 in Content, Current Events, Entertainment
Tags: , , , ,

Every day in our lives we are faced with situations that cause us to make a series of decisions.  Not every decision is an easy one.  Sometimes we make the wrong decision but it seemed like the right one at the time.  I don’t consider myself to be a future Jeopardy finalist but I know that if I am ever asked to make a sex tape…the anwser will be NO FREAKING WAY!

I have these things called mirrors that are in my bathroom…perhaps you are familiar with them.  When I exit my shower I am able to view myself as God created me.  I think God probably looks down and says “I gave ya a fair shot.  What the hell did you do when I was gone?”  Now even if I were fresh off a cover shoot for Men’s Health there are three reasons making a sex tape is a bad idea:

1)  WHEN WILL YOU WATCH IT?  Would watching yourself put you in the mood?  How narcissistic is that?  Isn’t there enough choices on Direct TV?  Is this something you throw on before or after Judge Judy?  In my case it would take longer to set up the DVD player than my actual “movie.”

2)  AUDIO:  I need to be delicate with this.  Let’s just say that the sounds that a human makes while in the heat of passion don’t need to be documented.  To “listen” to those sounds outside of that passionate moment is both uncomfortable and disturbing.  I keep my windows closed and TV turned up for a reason.  I don’t need my house surrounded by a SWAT team because the neighbors called complaining about someone torturing a racing horse.

3)  NO ONE WILL SEE IT EXCEPT US:  Put that promise up there with your superior telling you “I’ve got your back.”  You are one drunken fight away from having the other person forwarding it to all your facebook friends.  Even if that never happens you know it will be left in the DVD player one day and you’ll soon be the new local adult film star at your babysitters high school.

So if you ever see your partner pull out that flip-cam and say “C’mon…just this once.”  Do something that makes more sense….like getting a neck tattoo.

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