WHY THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO CLEVELAND?

Posted: February 13, 2018 in Content, Current Events, Entertainment, Pop Culture
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cleveland

I always knew I was different.  When I was a teenager I was afraid to go to the counter at McDonalds and place an order for fear I would get it wrong or they would laugh at me.  Humor became the perfect mask.  If I could make people laugh they would not see my faults.  I fell in love with radio.  That “mystery man” behind the mic that would talk to me,  I wanted, and got, that life.  Although I was very successful I was running from an illness and eventually I crashed in February of 2011.

I have OCD, am bi-polar, suffer from depression and severe social anxiety disorder.  I have been in therapy for nine years and my doctor saved my life.  Depression is not just “being in a bad mood.”  It’s a feeling of all other options running out and desperation.  It makes suicide seem logical (as illogical as that may seem).  So how did I do my job, be successful at it, and hide it from everyone?  It started with alcohol.  It gave me the courage to walk in a room, size people up, and own it.  At an event I would continue to drink to feed the monster that wanted to come out.  When that wasn’t enough I turned to drugs.  Self medicating was the way I solved my problems before I found help.  I was never a druggie in high school or college or in my early adult life but I can honestly say I became an addict.  I have learned that addiction is a terrible disease and through the help of my therapist he has taught me how to control it and not let it control me.

I also found out that it’s okay to be scared.  I don’t have all the answers to the tribulations we face in life but in 2015 I was in a coma for six days because I almost let that monster inside of me win.  That was rock bottom for me.  For the past seven years I have concentrated on fixing myself.  For some reason God has let me survive to fulfill a specific mission that I have yet to discover.  I have been blessed to actually see what awaits us.  That first night in my coma the doctors were sure I would not see the morning.  I truly am someone that got a second chance and that, among other reasons, is why I have decided to go home to Cleveland.  It is my sincere hope that others that may have these feelings know they are not alone.  My mom says I tell everyone everything and have no filter.  She is correct but no one can appreciate the success without tasting the failure.  Every new day is a blessing and there is no guarantee.  Thank you for reading this and remember “never give up.”

Comments
  1. Dave novak says:

    Keep it going positive dude. Nice job.

  2. Mike Ostruh says:

    Well said my friend!!

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