Posts Tagged ‘doctors’

jeopardy

Danny talks about his visit to the heart doctor, pot brownies, United Airlines, three things he doesn’t understand and much more.  Click below to listen.

vicksFor the past four days I have been fighting a pretty bad cold.  Mom has been all over me to “go see a doctor.”  This comes from a woman who is losing sight in her left eye and doesn’t have a primary care physician because “I need one to be close to the house.”  Evidently that means for her to have one living in the spare bedroom but I digress….

The next question from her was “Are you using Vicks?”  If your mother is like my mother than Vicks is the greatest medical invention of all time.  I remember as a child that at the first sign of a sniffle she would reach for that bottle, grab a spatula, and lap that stuff on my chest like she was frosting a cake.  Then she would wrap me up like a mummy, grab a safety-pin to secure the gauze that she had affixed to my person to insure that all that “vapo rub” was absorbed into my entire being.  When I would fart I would automatically clear the room of all bacteria.  She would put so much Vicks on my body that it would affect my taste buds.  I could stick out my tongue and it would glow like ET’s finger.

When I was in my motorcycle accident that resulted in six broken ribs, a broken nose, broken collar-bone, dislocated shoulder and a ruptured sinus cavity the first thing she asked the doctor was “How many times a day does he need Vicks?”  Some may argue that Michael Jordan is the greatest commercial pitchman of all time but I would put my mother and a bottle of Vicks up against anyone.

I’d go on but the UPS man is at my door asking me to sign for a 55 gallon drum of Vicks my mother just sent me.