bears

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I saw an article recently where baby alligators are the hottest thing at pool parties.  Read article HERE.  I know the kids may be getting sick of the water slide and the bounce house but what the hell are people thinking?  These poor gators have their mouths duck taped shut and these rug rats are dragging them around the pool like a floatie.  I assume the little gator has a memory and if I were him I couldn’t wait until I put on a few pounds and was able to even the score with little Suzy.

This is the thought process that leads to adults thinking they can walk into the bear cage at the zoo and become Dr. Doolittle.  It has to suck being the bear all day having a bunch of people with the mentality of a flat-tire trying to get the bear to sit on his hind legs and wave  for a few peanuts.  I always cheer for the bear and the lions when someone thinks they need to be a little closer to nature.  There is a reason for the fence there Einstein.  We have a population problem on this planet and I do believe those that venture into cages with lions and bears are truly doing their part in making a little more room for all of us.

Getting back to the gators…in Florida we have a one in twenty-four million chance of being attacked by a gator.  Those odds will go up if ya swim where they swim and if ya bring them into the pool…I’d say the odds even get better.  Parents….kids make enough bad decisions on their own so please don’t agree to having baby gators swim at your next pool party.  The only exception would be if you hired a clown.  It’s fine by me if ya feed HIM to the gators.

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At this writing THREE people have now come forward saying John Travolta wanted his male masseuse to give him some extra service.   There is something seriously wrong when anyone can say anything about anyone and there are no repercussions on those filing false claims.   John Travolta has a ton of cash.  If he wants someone to yank and pull on his Barbarino he’s not gonna approach someone he doesn’t know on a cruise.  There is too  much to lose.

One accuser said Travolta allegedly offered him  $12,000 for gay sex.  That is such a random number it further facilitates my belief that this is all a bunch of bullshit.  Where does THAT number come from?  I’ve never been involved in a bidding war for gay sex but I imagine it would be in incriminates of fives and tens.  The only way I see $12,000 being made as an offer is if was a compromise.  Travolta offered ten grand, cabin boy wanted fifteen, so then the next offer would be $12,500.  See…..it’s STILL not twelve grand.

I try to put myself in the position of the masseuse to see how I would handle the situation.  If I’m giving Travolta a deep tissue massage and he rolls over with an erection that would cut through steel and starts lumbering towards me like a bear I exit the scene.  I’m not sticking around to find out how this story ends.  There is no discussion about money.  There isn’t an opportunity for him to ask for a hug.  Start rolling the credits people because I’m not gonna be around when he asks me “Ya wanna know what I mean by Face-Off????”

No go pick on the Kardashians….at least they deserve it.