God

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cleveland

I always knew I was different.  When I was a teenager I was afraid to go to the counter at McDonalds and place an order for fear I would get it wrong or they would laugh at me.  Humor became the perfect mask.  If I could make people laugh they would not see my faults.  I fell in love with radio.  That “mystery man” behind the mic that would talk to me,  I wanted, and got, that life.  Although I was very successful I was running from an illness and eventually I crashed in February of 2011.

I have OCD, am bi-polar, suffer from depression and severe social anxiety disorder.  I have been in therapy for nine years and my doctor saved my life.  Depression is not just “being in a bad mood.”  It’s a feeling of all other options running out and desperation.  It makes suicide seem logical (as illogical as that may seem).  So how did I do my job, be successful at it, and hide it from everyone?  It started with alcohol.  It gave me the courage to walk in a room, size people up, and own it.  At an event I would continue to drink to feed the monster that wanted to come out.  When that wasn’t enough I turned to drugs.  Self medicating was the way I solved my problems before I found help.  I was never a druggie in high school or college or in my early adult life but I can honestly say I became an addict.  I have learned that addiction is a terrible disease and through the help of my therapist he has taught me how to control it and not let it control me.

I also found out that it’s okay to be scared.  I don’t have all the answers to the tribulations we face in life but in 2015 I was in a coma for six days because I almost let that monster inside of me win.  That was rock bottom for me.  For the past seven years I have concentrated on fixing myself.  For some reason God has let me survive to fulfill a specific mission that I have yet to discover.  I have been blessed to actually see what awaits us.  That first night in my coma the doctors were sure I would not see the morning.  I truly am someone that got a second chance and that, among other reasons, is why I have decided to go home to Cleveland.  It is my sincere hope that others that may have these feelings know they are not alone.  My mom says I tell everyone everything and have no filter.  She is correct but no one can appreciate the success without tasting the failure.  Every new day is a blessing and there is no guarantee.  Thank you for reading this and remember “never give up.”

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life

 

I am ashamed.  I am weak.  I am an underachiever in life.  Let me explain and perhaps you can relate.  The other day I saw a motorcycle friend of mine and I was shocked to see him wheel towards me in a chair.  His leg was missing below the leg and all I could muster was “What the hell?”  I found out he was in an accident that was not his fault that caused him to be life flighted to a hospital where he was lucky to be alive but had to have his leg amputated at the knee.

Life can change in an instant.  I have a tendency to be a “woe is me” person and worry about things that don’t matter.   What blew me away was his attitude.  He wasn’t bitter.  He wasn’t angry.  He was positive.  His words to me were “I can’t wait to get my prosthetic leg so I can ride again.”  I was speechless.  If this was me I would be blaming the world and be bitter in life.  I don’t think he realized what an angel he was to me.  It was yet another wake up call to me that I constantly ignore.  Attitude is everything.  Life is short.  Make it count.  Thanks for reading.

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shit

Something has happened to me within the past year……I just don’t give a shit anymore.  Now don’t assume that I don’t care because that is totally different.  I think the greatest strength one can have is to admit and address their greatest weakness.  Looking back at my mistakes in life (and I have made more than most people) I realize that the majority of them were made because I actually gave a shit about what people thought of me (that and too many shots).

When you give a shit you tend to get angry with people that don’t agree with you or question what you say.  Getting dropped as a friend on Facebook is a great example.  There are people out there that react to this action like a loved one was injured in a car crash.  Telemarketers are another great example.  I used to have a meltdown when they would call even though I registered on the “do not call list” (it’s run by our government so why would you expect it to be effective?).  I now look forward to these calls and using my creativity and mind to frustrate them to the point that they raise their voice and/or hang up.  Then I laugh like Vincent Price at the end of Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.”

So what do I care about?  My mother, my faith in God, kindness, empathy, unselfishness, being polite, respecting your elders, TV and cold beer to name a few.  I’m not married, I don’t have kids, I don’t give a shit who ya vote for and I really don’t give a shit what ya made for dinner and posted on Facebook.  I used to have a terrible temper which leads to anger and usually then to yelling or screaming.  We all have done it but step back for a moment and think about when you witness others doing it.  It affects their credibility and even if they are correct they give the impression that they aren’t confident in their opinion.  If they did they would relish in the concept of getting others to, as my father used to say, scream and yell like a “raped ape.”

Now there are situations where you may not give a shit but they suddenly turn into a situation you care about.  A good example of this is those that text and drive.  If they happen to drive off a bridge, land in a canal and become an afternoon snack for an alligator I really don’t give a shit.  If they rear end an innocent party and that person ends up looking like they were arrested by the Palm Beach Sheriff’s Department then I care.

Life is a strange, unpredictable and a stressful journey.  What you think matters in the moment usually will not matter in the future.  Want to know what really puts everything in perspective?  Bury a parent, a child or anyone you love.  We all are here for a reason and it’s not to have a big house, expensive car, eat at a fancy restaurant or have a three hundred dollar purse (My wallet cost twenty bucks and I think I have six bucks in it and three quarters in my pants…….which I never wear at home).  There ARE bad ideas in brainstorming (think Crystal Pepsi).  People that say “I want you to be honest” really mean “I want you to agree with me.”  I have learned that those that say that to you actually are insecure of their own beliefs and abilities.   Feel free to disagree with me but just know that I really don’t give a shit.

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memorial day

So tomorrow I turn 52 and I ask myself “what have I truly learned?”  I have made MANY mistakes in life.  Many.  I have acted selfishly and probably hurt a lot of people along the way.  This probably isn’t what God wanted me to do but every day I read a plaque that my mother recently passed down to me.  It’s from Proverbs:  “In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths.”

I’m not a bible thumper and this isn’t about your relationship with God.  That is personal and I respect your beliefs and what you decide to do with your beliefs.  This about what I have learned through my massive faults and it is my hope that you can relate or avoid some challenges you have yet to face.

  • Dad told me when I was young “Your parents are the best friends you will ever have.” Best advice he ever gave me.
  • You think you know pain until you have to bury a parent.
  • You see a piece of shit in the road walk around it and not through it.
  • No matter how mad you may be at someone close to you, hug them and tell them you love them.
  • Say please, thank you and you’re welcome.
  • There is something “after this.” When I had my heart block, died for 45 seconds and was in a coma for 6 days I saw a portion of it and it’s real.
  • Respect difference of opinion by reminding yourself 85% of this world truly is stupid.
  • As you get older you will find out who your “true friends” are. You probably will be able to count them on one hand.
  • Not all people have your best interests in mind. They will use you for their benefit and ignore you when you are no longer in a position to fulfill their selfish needs.
  • Talk and listen to those that are elderly. They have more knowledge than any library and are more than eager to share it with you.

I have to be honest.  I wish I could follow my advice at all times but there are situations I stray from my path and, quite frankly, find myself as a hypocrite.    All we can do is try our hardest each day and live our day as it’s our last as one day we will be correct.

They say there is nothing God gives us that we can’t handle.  I have found myself many times staring at the heavens and saying “Are ya freaking kidding me.  I can’t take it.”  Then, weeks or months later, I found I could take it and I needed to learn from what seemed to be the impossible.

What is truly important is Memorial Day.  It is a day set aside for those men and women who have given their lives for this country.  Think about that before ya light the grill.  They gave their lives.  This day was actually created by former slaves that wanted a day to honor former Union soldiers that perished in battle.  Veterans Day is a day set aside to honor all that have served.  I just learned that the other day so please don’t think I am the wise guru seated at the top of the mountain.

May you enjoy this weekend, remember our lost soldiers, hug your loved ones and appreciate this beautiful world that has been created for us.

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Second Chance TwoI went for a walk of a mile and a half today.  This was the first time I walked more than twenty yards at once since September 20, 2015.  Cliff note version for those of you not aware:  Had pneumonia, lead to a heart block, heart rate dropped to twenty-two, died and came back, saw heaven, begged for a second chance, had a pacemaker installed and here I sit today trying to get back on track.  I am a changed person.  Some have called it a spiritual awakening.  I’m not sure what it was but I do know I’m grateful and that I have a specific purpose.   That will come to me through prayer.  More details can be found HERE.

There were some other things that happened during my hospital stay that substantiated that what happened was for a reason.  I like to give people nicknames.  One of my doctor’s at Wellington Regional was quite young.  I called him Doogie Howzer.  He stopped in the one day to see how I was feeling.  I told him my story of dying and coming back and he was hanging on my every word.  He then took my hand, squeezed it and said “You must understand that you have returned for a reason.   I have no doubt that you will do great things.  You must be patient and trust in God.  He will show you the way.”  This freaked me out.  The feeling in the room was more than intense.  He made me feel like his presence in my room was more than just medical it was like he was a spiritual messenger.  Some of you may say “You were on drugs” but I wasn’t.  The only time I was on drugs that affected the mind was when I had my permanent pacemaker installed.

Another time at Wellington Regional one of the doctors that saved my life dropped by.  He insisted I call him “Bo Bo.”  We were talking about what happened and what I saw before they brought me back.  He reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring.  The ring has a cross on it and ten silver “beads.”  It’s a mini-rosary and the beads are for “Hail Mary’s.”    He insisted I take the ring and then he explained how he volunteers with the Knights of Columbus and invited me to join him when I get to feeling better.   I have to be honest.  These events were giving me the chills.  I was never super-religious.  I believed in the Golden Rule and a Supreme Being.  There wasn’t a doubt in my mind at this point that there is so much more waiting for us.

I was transferred to JFK Medical Center for the installation of my pacemaker.  The night before I was released I was transferred out of ICU to a regular room.  I had a male Asian nurse.  His name was June.  He would be off duty at 7AM and around 5AM that morning he came in to run some tests.  I gave him the cliff note version of what happened to me and then he looked at me and said “You are back for a reason.”  He then went on to say every answer you are looking for can be found in the Bible.  He was particularly fond of Revelation and how it applies to things that are happening in the world today.  He told me to just trust in God and you will find your way to your purpose and return to productivity.  At this point I think I said to myself and God “I get it.  Let’s do this.”

Again let me stress that I am not going to be a bible thumper that comes knocking on your door or someone dragging a cross to a street corner so I can scream from scripture.  I still have my cutting, politically incorrect and caustic sense of humor in fact it’s probably stronger and more focused than ever before.  I share these extra details with you so that you may better understand what I went through and how it wasn’t a “coincidence.”

Enjoy your day and the rest of your weekend.  I am working on another podcast I hope to have posted by the end of tomorrow.  Thanks again for your time in reading my blog.

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hospital

Three weeks in intensive care.  Six days completely unconscious.  Declared dead but through the grace of God was given a second chance.  Danny talks about some of his experiences in the hospital, his favorite TV commercial right now, why he’s mad at Justin Bieber, a life lesson you can learn from Gary Busey and a lot more.  See if you can hear the difference in his voice.  Just click below.

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seond chanceI should be dead.   Let’s start there.  On September 21, 2015 I started to go downhill, healthwise, at a rapid pace.  I was coughing up blood and struggling to catch my breath.   It was late that Monday afternoon when I knew I had to call 911.  I didn’t have the strength to get off the couch and told the 911 operator that the paramedics would have to come through the window.  She stayed on the phone with me until they arrived.  The paramedics worked quickly to remove me from the house and our destination was Wellington Regional.  They were moving at the fastest pace possible so I knew this was serious.  This thought was supported even further when the one in the back of the emergency unit asked me “Why did you wait so long?”

I was unconscious by the time I reached the hospital so I had to fill in the blanks by questioning my doctors and medical staff.  I had pneumonia.  This caused a heart block.  My heart rate fell to 22.  My other organs were slowly shutting down.  My mother was contacted late that Monday evening and the doctors were honest with her;  They didn’t know if I would make it through the night.  I would remain unconscious, hooked to wires and machines, for the next six days.

I may be ridiculed, by some, for what I share with you next.  Let me preface what I am about to tell you by giving you a bit of background of my religious beliefs and upbringing.  I was raised Catholic.  I stopped going to church a long time ago.  I believed in a Supreme Being and an after-life.  I was never one to read the Bible or one to devote much of my time to prayer.  Now let me share with you what I learned.

There is a heaven.  I know because I was outside the doors.  I begged God for another chance;  for the ability to make a difference and use the talents He has given me.  I begged Him for forgiveness and promised that I would use a second chance to make a difference in my life and attempt to do the same in the lives of others.

When I finally regained consciousness I was told that I did actually “die and come back.”   My mother mentioned that when I was fighting to regain consciousness I kept saying “I’m sorry.  I am so sorry. Please give me another chance.”  Physically I was very sick but spiritually this was an awakening and something that has changed my life.

I learned the heart block caused damage to my heart and I would need a pacemaker.  On Monday September 29, 2015 I was transferred from Wellington Regional to JFK Medical Center, a hospital known for their cardiac care.   One week after my transfer and NUMEROUS tests, pills and pokes my permanent pacemaker was installed on Monday October 5, 2015.  Yesterday, October 6, 2015 I was finally discharged and returned home.

I am on the road to recovery.  I pop more pills on a daily basis than Keith Richards does.  I can’t drive for another two weeks and I follow up with two doctors next week.  I need to take and log my blood pressure and pulse on a daily basis.  Having been diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder, social anxiety disorder and general anxiety disorder this is the least of my problems in fact I just did it five minutes ago and of course I logged all the numbers into my computer.   Yesterday was the first day since September 21st that I was on my feet and moving around for an extended period of time.   It’s both amazing and embarrassing at the things I took for granted. So many people showed concern for me and for that I am drastically humbled and forever grateful.  I have been given a second chance and I plan on delivering on my promise to make a difference.  We all face struggles on a daily basis.  Some days are better than others but I don’t think God gives us anything we can’t handle or is without reason and purpose.  Thank you for taking the time to read this.  I truly believe that what happened to me has a purpose.  You reading this blog entry is part of my spiritual mission.  Thank you for your time, concern, understanding and support.  Enjoy the rest of your day.

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Take a look at the items to the left.  Do you know what they are?  At first it looks like those water rockets you would play with as a kid but that is FAAAAAR from the truth.  This apparatus is called a Post-T-Vac.  When I hear that term I think of a vacuum cleaner that sweeps up unwanted post-it notes.  Wrong you are again Robin.  Lately I have been suffering from insomnia so that means I am exposed to a lot of infomercials for late night TV.  The other night I saw the infomercial for the Post-T-Vac.  I found a two-minute video that pretty much explains its purpose.  Click HERE.

Yup….this thing and its accoutrements are to be put on your male member.  It promises to show results in four minutes.  There is NO WAY I’m putting my manhood in this salad shredder.  Did you look at the commercial?  Who ARE these people.  I PRAY these guys have erectile dysfunction because there is no way we want these couples procreating unless we wanna go back to Darwin’s waiting room.

They also say that the Post-T-Vac is covered by insurance.  Really?  You wanna make that call to Blue Cross?  “Hello Blue Cross??  Dick Limpy here.  I need you guys to fork over some cash so I can stuff my over cooked noodle in a small vacuum cleaner.  Hello?  Hello??”  They also claim it’s “clinically proven.”  I know times are tough but I don’t wanna be working in THAT clinic.  These dudes coming in sticking their magic sticks inside a sucking beaker until they get it right?  Show me how the guys that were part of that study are walking today.  I bet they look like a pirate looking for his parrot.

They also promise that it’s “delivered discretely” and it’s “100% guaranteed.”  Well good God I would hope so.  I don’t need my Fed Ex guy ringing the doorbell, asking me to sign for my package and saying “Use this pen because it’s probably the only hard thing you’ll put in your hand for awhile.”  About that 100% guarantee.  Do you really wanna be working in the mail room when the returns come in?  That job may actually be worse than when they conducted the “clinical study.”

I could say more but I need to do my “Total Insanity” workout and put some “Wen” in my hair.

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A lot of people follow Pat Robertson.  That concerns me because Pat Robertson is an idiot.  Pat Robertson just said the recent earthquakes in Oklahoma are a sign that we are near the end of time.  I’m not kidding.  Click HERE.  I say we call this guy’s bluff.  If we are near the end of time then I say I shut off his goof ball TV show and stop following his ministry.  Take that $500 a month that you “donate” to buy tweed sport coats and bracelets that correct Pat’s magnetic field and  spend it on your FAMILY.

Look, I believe in a Supreme Being.  I don’t know what He or She stands for  and what they have planned for our future but I can be assured of one thing:  Whoever it is…is not talking to Pat Robertson.  Did we forget that back in the 70’s this guy was saying the world was going to end in November of 1982?  We all know now that the good Lord wanted us to enjoy Poison and other hair bands thus we dodged that potentially fatal moment in time.  Pat Robertson is a used car salesman selling the bible.  God LOVES you but ya gotta FEAR God.  I don’t know about you but I don’t FEAR anyone I LOVE.

I’m always leery of the person in the room that makes the most noise.  I believe that person is trying to draw attention away from the fact that they are the least comfortable.  Pat Robertson is so quick to supply all the answers and that makes me think he should be questioned more than anyone.